


Insanity and Obsession

by HJWinters



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Harley Quinn (Comics)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-09-02 02:39:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8648554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HJWinters/pseuds/HJWinters
Summary: The first in a long series looking into the life and loves of our favorite Bad girl. In this Harlequinade we witness Harleen make friends, find love, and go on her way to becoming just like Mistah J. There will be sex later on down the road, but this fic focuses on them bonding emotionally. My Harley and Joker are amalgamations of several different versions. I see my Harley physically being closer to rebirth Harley with Arleen's voice. Jokers a mix of Leto's coloring, Ledger's looks that aren't coated with a foot of grease and Hamil's voice. The plotline will be close to BTAS but with it's own twist and i hope you enjoy.





	1. A chance meeting

I felt pride as my name was called to walk across Gotham City University’s stage to receive my diploma. Once I got up on the stage I looked out into the crowd and unsurprisingly I only found my little brother Berry, barely an adult. Dad should still be in jail for his bad decisions whereas mom should be currently three bottles deep. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt, but I’d also be lying if I said I cared anymore. Afterwards Berry gave me a quick hug and said goodbye most likely to get home before anyone noticed she was gone.

It wasn’t long afterwards that I started my internship with Joan Leman. A slightly heavy set dark skinned woman. “Harleen Quinnzel? I’m Joan Leland.” She reached out for my hand so I shook it.

“Hi Joan call me Harley everyone does.” I smirk slightly and pushed my glasses further up my nose as she starts our small tour.

“I must admit I was surprised you wanted to intern here at Arkham.” She seemed slightly concerned.

“Well I’ve always had an attraction for extreme personalities.” We passed by the known Criminal Poison Ivy, she’d been caught again shortly after I had graduated, she smiled at me, gave a slight wave. I guess it was her show of female solidarity.

“Their more exciting, more challenging.” I continued the conversation

“And more hard profile?” Joan asked clearly testing the waters.

“You can’t deny there’s an element of glamor to be super criminals.” I said being honest, super criminals always piqued my curiosity.

“I’ll warn you right now these are hard core psychiatrics if you’re thinking of cashing in on them by writing a tell all book think again.” Joan warns as I heard whistling and follows it with Joan not far behind me, finding the Joker whistling in his cell. He winked at me as Joan drew me away.

“They eat a novice like you for breakfast.” Joan frowned at me clearly seeing my premature death if anything.

When I entered my office later I found a small thin vase with a single rose and a note.  
“Come down and see me sometime. – J” it was short sweet and simple.

So I went and found him lying on his cot. “Care to tell me how this got in my office?” I put my hands on my hips trying to maintain a small amount of authority.

“I put it there” He informed me with a huge grin.

“I think the guards would be interested to know you’ve been out of your cell” My voice sounded flat even to my own ears.

“If you were going to tell you already would have.” He jumped suddenly to the edge of his cot balancing on the edge; face almost pressed against the clear glass wall of the cell.

“You know sweets I like what I’ve heard about you especially the name Harleen Quinnzel re work it a bit and you get Harley Quinn. I just bet all of your friends call you Harley.” Joker put his fingers around his eyes like a mask and laughed his chaotic laugh.

“Like the clown character Harlequin I know I’ve heard it before. Besides I don’t have any friends.” I waved the comment off as I had for years.

“Well you have one now and your name just puts a smile on your new friends face.” I try to walk away to show that he wasn’t in charge but before I can get far Joker stops me by saying.

“It makes me feel there’s someone here I can relate to someone who might like to hear my secrets” I smile slightly at the implication and continue to walk off. He escaped later that night and we started our little cat and mouse game. For about three years, just long enough to complete my internship and gain the trust of the directors before I was given my first super villain. Dr. Jonathan Crane. When we first started, he was real quiet wouldn’t tell me a thing. Then I remembered I had taken his class when I first started. Though I only got about twenty-four hours in his class total, still counts right?

“Do you remember me Dr. Crane?” It was our third session and I was tired of the silence.

“Vaguely, I remember a small silent child who appeared to understand my teachings. I remember a girl who wrote beautiful essays. I also remember rumors started by jealous men. I do not believe them; most of the teachers didn’t either.” He gave me a small smile as my face turned bright red.

“Those rumors only came about because that stupid jock Demarco wanted to sleep with me. I have standards; I need a ring before my skirt comes off! In his eyes I wasn’t smart enough to take his offer; therefore I must not be smart enough to be top of my class.” I said angrily. He put his hand on top of mine, calming me.

“But look at where we are eleven years later. You’re a highly paid therapist for the criminally insane and he’s an overweight college drop out with eight women who have mothered his children.” I smiled a sad smile.

“I’m little more than cannon fodder. Don’t try to deny it. We both know I was sent in here to try and figure out if I was smart enough not to be killed. I was sent in here to either get you to talk or to die, simple as that. We both know not one person that’s ever stepped foot in this building is ever going to tell the truth about anything. Hell most people don’t even know what the truth is any more. I get that I understand. The pay and companionship is high enough for me to not even care.” He gave me his own sad smile.

“I don’t deny that you were sent to me to die. I do however deny that you don’t care.” We stopped there for the day. The next he was gone. None of the villains seemed to stay long. Most treated it as a vacation, like a revolving door. A couple of people told me they see it as great inspiration. Like Jane Doe. She’s impersonated more than a few doctors and patients in her time.

When Mr. J was here he’d send me roses and I’d sneak down to have admittedly very unproductive conversations. He refused to tell me about himself until I became his therapist so I decided to talk about simple things like movies, or books. Surprisingly he felt a kinship to the Weasley twins, but very adamantly he wanted Voldemort and Umbridge to be horribly murdered. I honestly didn’t expect him to be that against them, Maybe not a supporter but certainly not hate them with such force.

 

He compared them to the Batman. They wanted everyone to be like they, and they felt it not only right but necessary to get rid of anyone who didn’t comply. On top of being a hypocrite because they were nowhere near what they was pushing on others. For Voldemort it was blood superiority, for Batman it was sanity and justice, and all things nonlaw-breaky.

Voldemort was the son of a muggle and batman was just as insane like he or I. I tried to tell him I wasn’t insane be he just laughed his loud slow clap of a laugh. “We both know that just isn’t quite true.” He told me with a wink. About three months after I started seeing Dr. Crane as a client Mr. J was caught again.

I was assigned him this time. When Joker noticed it was me sitting across from him, He smiled brightly his silver capped teeth gleaming in the low light. His thick scars brilliant against his white skin.

Of course I said yes, and of course I realized during the six years of him being a thorn in Gotham’s side he had told his story differently hundreds of times. “You know my father usta beat me up pretty badly” He had told this several times in different ways but it always tugged at my heart strings when I heard it, first hand or not.  
“Any time I got outta line, BAM!” I jumped slightly as he got loud.

“Sometimes I’d just be sitting there doing nothing wrong, POW! Pops tended to favor the grape you see” I nodded letting him know I was listening. A concerned expression painted my face.

“There was only one time I ever saw dad really happy he took me to the circus when I was seven I still remember the clowns running around dropping their pants.” He laughed loudly holding his side.

“My old man laughed so hard I thought he’d bust a gut. I ran up to meet him with his very best Sunday pants around my ankles.” He got up and let his pants fall to his ankles; his boxers were a dodgy white with faded smiley faces in yellow.

“Hi dads look at me ZOOP!’I took a big pat fall and tore the crotch clean outta his pant!!” We both laughed for what seemed like hours but in truth were only a minute or so, enough to draw tears from my eyes.

“And then he broke my nose.” I gasped sobering up a bit and wiped the tears from under my glasses, hoping this was all just one big story like the rest were. But knowing that most likely none of them were just stories. Knowing that to him they were all true. He made them up and with the proficiency of a perfect liar believed them, all for being able to ‘never actually have a backstory.’

“But hey that’s the down side of comedy you’re always taking shots from folks who just don’t get the jokes like my dad… or batman.” He said his dad with enough sadness that quickly turned to anger as he thought of the Bat. It soon became clear to me that the Joker, so often described as a raging homicidal mad man was actually a tortured soul crying out for love and acceptance. A lost injured child trying to make the world laugh at his antics and there’s always was the self-righteous, hypocritical Batman determined to make life miserable for my angel. To stop him from having his much deserved laughs. Yes I admit it as unprofessional as it sounds I had fallen in love with my patient. When I told Crane about my problem he didn’t actually see one.

“Pretty crazy huh?” I asked him my head drooping towards the table.

“Not at all as a dedicated career oriented young woman you’ve felt the need to obtain from all amusement and fun it’s only natural you be attracted to someone who could make you laugh again.” He explained patiently clasping his hand in mine.

“I knew you’d understand” I smiled brightly at him.

“Anytime” He looked at me sadly. I knew he didn’t approve. I knew he didn’t want me involved with criminals. But that wasn’t his choice to make. Dr. Crane likes to look after me, I don’t need it though. Really, I swear I don’t.


	2. Moving on up

Chapter 2

A week after my talk with Johnny I decided to tell Mr. J I loved him, sadly though as soon as I walked into Arkham a break out started. I was grabbed by two men lead by Mr. Frost, the Joker’s driver. They dragged me to the electroshock therapy room kicking and screaming and strapped me down. Mr., J walked in wearing just some loose purple Arkham pants. I stopped struggling so hard and pleaded with my eyes.

“What are you gonna do? Are you gonna kill me Mr. J?” He smiled and laughed his slow clap laugh. Sparking the electrodes he replied in a very playful and cheery voice.

“I’m not going to kill you; I’m just going to hurt you really, really bad.” He laughed again, he proceeded to throw a leather belt between my teeth and electrocute me for what seemed like hours. I passed out and awoke a day or so later in the Gotham general hospital with a new understanding. Joker wanted me to! Obviously he did that to test me, whether it was my pain tolerance or loyalty, I was being tested. As soon as I left the hospital (with what they tell me very little brain damage!) I quit working at Arkham and started looking for my Mistah J. Crane broke out with them so I had nothing there for me anymore. I then spent my days practicing routines at the gym and nights looking for my Mistah J.

Once I started working I started slacking in the one thing that granted me free college, Gymnastics! A.K.A. Flying like a monkey in a small outfit through the air on small metal bars and landing in a flawless, won’t fuck up my shit kind of way. It made me feel free to flip through the air but not as free as Mistah J makes me feel. It took me about a month of searching for Joker to send someone for me. When I got there he was beaten badly obviously by that no good bat! I rushed to his side and threw his useless henchmen away from him and demanded a first aid kit a needle, floss, a lighter and some whiskey. The dumb fuckers stood around scratching their head so I ended up having to scream at them to hurry the fuck up, causing Mistah J to laugh.

“How have you been my dear?” He asked a bright smile upon his beautiful face.

“Been looking for you Mistah J.” I replied with my own smile as the dunces arrived with my supplies. I handed him the whiskey after taking my own sip and began with the gash on his leg, one of many that were slowly starting to clot and start healing, proving they weren’t deathly deep.

“I noticed Dear but why look for poor old me?” I dragged a damp pad full of hydrogen peroxide across and around the wound; I received a small wince but nothing more.

“Because I love you, was going to tell you a month ago but somehow I ended up with leather in my mouth and volts of electricity coursing through my brain. Only a little brain damage by the way.” I grinned hugely as he busted into laughter.

“Not too sore with me about that I hope?” He grinned brightly.

“Wouldn’t be here willingly patching you up if I was Hun.” He was startled by the pet name but I allowed him to shake it off as a reaction to a hot sowing needle weaving through his outer calf. I wiped the wound once again and threw a liberal amount of gauze and duct tape around it. I tackled his abdomen next; this one had an equally shallow but longer gashes along his abdomen. He looked to be contemplating it for a moment before placing his hand under my chin, bringing my face roughly towards his.

“I suppose your right aren’t you dear girl?” He let out a long wild bout of laughter.

“I’m giving you a choice and you have to decide, maybe not right now but hopefully soon. You’ll know when I ask you, hell you should know now. Don’t be hasty though my dear your life will be forever changed. It’s up to you whether it’s for the good or the bad.” He brought our lips together and kissed me like he was trying to steal my soul threw my mouth. I pushed him away, against the back of his chair.

“Now shush and let me take care of your wounds before my choice is taken away from me.” His green hair flashes under the low lights as he collapsed against his chair with laughter.

“You know Pumpkin I’m starting to really like you to.” We exchanged smiles then I got to work cleaning his wounds and stitching him up fully.

“Tomorrow I’m gonna have to clean the bandages so that’s when we are gonna shower you off, I’m sure you don’t mind the dried blood right Mistah J?” He just laughed and pulled me towards what I assumed as his bedroom. He shed his shredded pants and threw both it and his suit top over a random chair to be mended tomorrow. A Large mattress took up the middle of the room with an obviously barely used dresser on one side and the doors to a closet and bathroom to the other. Dirty and bloody clothes flooded the floor mixing in with the half way decently clean ones.

“Damn you do need a woman in your life!” We giggled together and collapsed on top of his sparsely covered bed and quickly fell asleep. I woke up first, finding Joker wrapped around me holding me loosely in his sleep. I smiled brightly kissing Jokers forearm that was under my head. I then got up gently as to not wake him and started to clean up his room. I found an empty cardboard box in the bathroom and started to fill it with soiled clothes while throwing the relatively clean ones in a corner so I didn’t have to wash it all. I don’t know where this OCD is coming from but obviously we are gonna need it now.

Once I had the clothes in separate piles I hung up the mostly clean suits on the forgotten hangers lying about in the relatively large closet. Wasn’t a walk in per say but you could have comfortable sex on the floor and stretch out afterwards. I changed out of my blood splattered jeans and tank top I had worn the day before in favor of one of Mistah J’s stripped black and red hoodies that barely covered my ass but swallowed me whole. It smelled like sweat and vaguely of dried blood and gun powder, just like my wonderful Mistah J. While I was getting naked I hadn’t realized Joker had woken up and was staring at me. Smiling the smile of a cat that fucked up a bird’s wing, and was ready to pounce.

“You look damn good in my clothes.” I startled and turned around toward him. A tent was being pitched in his boxers; though I was a virgin this didn’t scare me like it usta. I did my best to copy Poison Ivy when she seduced men and swayed my hips softly, just enough to draw attention and once I got to the beds edge I dropped to my knees letting the hoody fall enough to give an almost direct window to my C cup breasts. My back arched and ass hoisted into the air. The hoody fell towards my chest revealing the crest of my ass.

“You’re so very tempting my dear miss Quinn.” I smirked and ran my fingertips over the exposed flesh of his toned, damaged torso.

“Most untouched fruits are.” My hint made his eyebrows fly towards his forehead causing me to laugh so hard the upper half of my body dropped to the bed letting the hoody fall further up my torso.

“Well my sweet you look absolutely ripe for the picking in those colors.” I tilted my head up towards him my tangled blonde hair slightly covering my face as my large grey eyes peered out from behind the strands. He reached toward me wrapping his long thin paper white fingers through my hair gripping my scalp almost too hard and brought my face to his.

“Are you willing let me pluck your forbidden fruit?” He breathed against my lips. I pressed my lips gently against his and retracted quickly.

“First you need a shower and I need to change your bandages.” I quickly kissed him again then stood holding a hand out to him.

“Come on Mistah J don’t want ya to get an infection and die like some little wimp now do we?” He grabbed my hand and yanked me hard on to the bed covering his body with my own. He pressed his lips against mine hard seemingly content with just the touch of our skin as his hands roamed over the safe areas of my body. Once he was done exploring I pulled away and dragged him into the walk in shower of his bathroom. I carefully removed his bandages so as to not pull on the dental floss and stripped him of his boxers. I also stripped and joined him in the small stall and had him lean up against the back wall while I warmed up the water.

“Woah my little Harley has a tattoo?” J asked pointing towards my cunt. Just above the shaven mound was ‘lucky you’ in cursive and lace.

“Friend got me drunk and we ended up getting tattoos together. She picked both of ours since she wasn’t near as intoxicated as I was.” I point just below where my cunt ended on the inside of my left thigh.

“Right here she has ‘Smell roses?’” Mistah J and I exploded into giggles. With that over I then moved him towards the middle wall and pulled the shower head from its perch and turned it on to the softest setting. Joker’s hard cock bobbed in between his toned legs. I ran the shower head over him causing the water at our feet to run a rusty red. I rubbed his skin where the blood crusted into him and stained his ivory skin. He stared at me as I cleaned him, as I completely ignored everything about him just to focus on my task. He was covered from head to toe in scratches and bruises.

Several parts of him looked the bat hit him with a bat symbol knuckle cover. Imprinting the symbol into his skin, claiming the Joker as his own. This filled me with a jealous rage and an urge to hunt him down and make him pay for hurting Mistah J.

“You’re angry at the bat aren’t you?” Joker smiled at me softly as he voiced my thoughts.

“I also can’t stand how the bat thinks he has a claim on me. I can’t stand how he marks me and makes me remember how he foiled my plans. How he goes out of his way to mess things up that have no connection to him, just so he could fulfill his sense of self-righteousness. He rapes my skin with his symbol!” His face filled with anger but his body was lax and limp in my hands. His front was free of the dried blood so I turned him around and repeated the process to free him from his dried blood, without disturbing the much to close closed gash near his spin and lung.

“I want to hurt him like he hurts you but worse.” I whispered angrily. I heard Joker laugh softly, while his body shook slightly. 

“Maybe one day we will dearie, maybe.” After I washed my own body I pulled him from the shower and bandaged his wounds again. I found him a clean pair of boxers for him, and a pair of sweatpants should he want them, and put back on the hoody from before. He put the boxers on and wrapped an arm around my waist.


	3. Voices

  
Chapter 3

“How about we get some grub dearie?” I smiled up at him and let him march me toward the kitchen. The hallways were covered in graffiti, to many Ha-Has to count. The outside of the building looked like a stereotypical abandoned warehouse on the Gotham harbor front. The inside was a dorm of sorts, several makeshift rooms of sheets or blankets high enough off the ground to give an illusion of privacy. Joker’s room was obviously an office that now has plywood where the window usta be. The kitchen was an employee lounge with a small stove and fridge, and the old employee lockers were being used as pantries. The electricity and plumbing was on so obviously Joker had to have either killed the previous owner or owned the building himself. Either way we had running water and something to heat our food so I wasn’t gonna question how.

“What do we have Mistah J?” I asked as the thought donned on me that my bludhaven accent was getting thicker by the day.   
“Just sit down Harley dear let me Wow you with my culinary skills.” He started giggling and started pulling thing out to make what looked like bacon and hash browns. He could have made me a grilled cheese and I wouldn’t have cared, though he’d have to deal with the lethal smelling consequences after. He was actually cooking me food, out of the goodness of his heart!

“Harley if you would there is some orange juice in the fridge. The cups are in the 3rd locker.” Joker said not looking away from where he was shredding the potatoes. I hurried up and poured us two glasses and set the table for us to eat. Though I put the plates next to Mistah J but outta his way so they wouldn’t get knocked down and destroyed.

“No, no Harley go and get a tray from the cabinet to the left of the sink we are going back to my room.” Mistah J said once he saw me bustling about. The only actual cabinets were on either side of sink from the floor up. There seemed to usta be two large ones over the sink but they were busted in as if someone’s skull trampolined against it until there was more brains against them then inside their skull. Then the process was repeated quite a bit at different times. Guess it was funny to watch, wonder if they were made to start it and a Hench was to finish it once the fucker was passed out. I giggled as I pictured it; Joker smirked at me as if he knew my thoughts. Soon we were back on his bed eating, him with his fingers.

“So Harls got any special skills you haven’t told me of yet?” Mistah J asked then stuck a bacon strip into his mouth.

“Well I got a full ride to GCU on a sports scholarship, Gymnastics to be exact. Plus I taught myself how to shoot a gun.” Mistah J stared at me with a small amount of shock when I told him about the gymnastics thing. He soon got over it and he ran his tongue throughout my mouth like he was trying to steal my soul. He already had my heart so it’s not like he could be after that. After many moments of being pressed to my Mistah J, he pulled back slightly leaning our foreheads against each other.

“Such plans I have for you Harley, I hope you’ll play along.” He smiled and gave me a much softer kiss, this one I could even participate in without getting swept away by the current that is Mistah J. After he was done with me for the moment we finished eating with great big matching grins. We spent the rest of the day cuddled against each other, falling in and out of sleep. We spent the next few days like this, just eating, sleeping and showering in-between changing his bandaging. It felt just like those nights we spent together on either side of his cell wall, but this time he could actually hold and touch me. After a week he was healed enough that there was no need to worry about pulling his stitches. In fact they were already starting to dissolve so I didn’t have to pull them out.

“I want to see what you can do my dear.” He said as he pulled me towards a room in the back of the warehouse. My bare feet being swallowed by the sweats he put on me, my torso was only covered by my bra. I needed to go to my house and get clothes soon; you could recycle the same bra only so many times. Inside the room he took me to was five men in various sizes and a shit ton of weapons mostly sharp, slicey, things. I was instantly attracted to a small .5 pistol with a black frame and ivory infused handle. There was skulls wearing a jesters hat on either side of the handle, there were holes throughout the barrel. Which I guess would prevent the bullet from being tracked back to this specific gun.

The barrel had beautiful gold colored, though I suspected was real gold, lacing and the chamber had the words Love and Hate alternating on each side. It was next to a beautiful pale wood bat, sure they were thrown in a haphazard pile with equally beautiful weapons but I was just drawn to those two. Mistah J let me explore a bit longer before he called me back to his side.

“Alright Harley, these are going to be your training partners.” Joker pointed each one out and instead of giving me a name numbered them from smallest up.

“Now I’m sure they have real names but in here they don’t matter. Their lives don’t matter; most peoples don’t, but these specifically. The first thing we are going to test is your ability to evade. Everyone has to know how to out run a knife or gods forbid a bat fist.” He rolled his eyes as five ran towards me. I let him get up close and personal before ducking to the left making him fall off balance and land face first on the mat. I wasn’t allowed to stop and laugh as my Mistah J was, because three and one tried to flank me. Stupid things tried to run at me from opposite sides to try and sandwich me in the middle.

Poor things ran into each other as I jumped up and off of their shoulders landing with a flip. Two decided to pick up one of Mistah J’s Knifes and attack me with it, Poor little four accidentally got in the way. I don’t think he’s gonna get over not having a left eye, that is if he doesn’t die first. Shit just happens when boots connect with wrists sending them backwards.

“Stop.” Joker said giggling as I stood in a pile of accidently defeated men. Three knocked out, a broken wrist and a popped eye were my trophies for barely even trying. As Mistah J surveyed the poor little boys he broke into a gut busting laugh of which I hadn’t seen since we talked about all the silly ways Dean died on one Tuesday.

“You knocked that one out just by moving out of his way!” J pointed to five who was still face first on the ‘Protective’ mat. He had to take a few minutes during with I stared up at his proud face with my own huge smile, happy he found me so amusing. He stalked up to me, hand twisting in my hair, and pulled my body full against him as our lips connected in a bruising kiss.

“I’m so very glad I underestimated you.” Joker smiled broadly at me. Can’t say I blame him though. He only knows that I did gymnastics not that I was trained to use it to fight. Guy didn’t want me to be such a victim, so he had my high school couch teach me to use what I was learning. I continued in college as well, it’s what got me so many trophies. Plus he probably doesn’t know how much time I spent in a gym legally beating the shit out of full grown men, just as big as these if not bigger. We had Four carried off, then let me go crazy on the now pride wounded men.

J let me use the eye stabbing knife to cut up the boys. They also had knives, but except for the occasional graze, that ended up inside their owner. Mistah J carried me off to his room after, and got me off for the first time by a man’s hand. He hadn’t impaled me with his joystick but I’m assuming it was just as good. The next morning while I finished putting away his clothes, that took me this last week to have cleaned, I realized I had forgotten to ask him if we could get my shit from my apartment. I crawled into bed with the lounging clown and lay on his torso.

That night I heard a voice in my head, that small little girl who just wanted to help Mistah J chastising me for the little bit of murder. Poor little Harleen trying to make me feel bad for putting a couple of crooks outta their misery. It’s not like they were civilians or anything. Just a bunch of crooks Mistah J kept around to help him do stuff. If they had family, they’d be better off without them anyway.

You know that isn’t true Harley. You can’t just go around murdering people because he says so. This is detrimental to both of your wellbeing.

Shut up Harleen! Mistah J said their lives don’t matter, so killing them is fine! I can do what he wants! I won’t let you stop me, we love him. Won’t you just let him train us so we’re perfect?

If he really loves us we wouldn’t have to change! If he really loved us he wouldn’t have electroshocked us! He’d be back in Arkham letting us help him get free the legal way!

You obviously haven’t been listening to anything he’s said in the last month, huh? That’s not Mistah J. he can’t be ‘Fixed’ there is nothing to fix! Use your damn training you dumb bottle blonde! It’s obvious he’s hyper sane and follows the philosophy of nihilism. If you’d stop being so damn blind to everything you’d see that! You’d also see that he couldn’t have just let everyone know that we are affiliated with him! That’s why he electroshocked us, which is why he didn’t take us with him! He loves us as much as he can! God can’t you shut up we’ve been doing so well!

Don’t do this Harley! Don’t follow him down the rabbit hole of crime!

Poor Doc Q. it’s too late for that. But no worries I’m sure after a while you’ll go away.

The next morning, after my little inner struggle, I decided today was as good as any to grew some balls as ask if we could go grab my things.

“Mistah J, can we go by my house?” He looked away from his phone to kiss me on my nose.

“Sure poobear, I’ve been meaning to go by there and get your shit anyway. Soon you’ll be fully mine and won’t need it anymore.” I smiled and gave him a gentle kiss that turned rough as he got into it. He pushed me off of him and we got dressed. He in his beautiful purple suit and I in sweatpants and one of his white button ups that had an unfortunate blood splatter. No matter how hard I tried some of his clothes just stubbornly refused to be fully clean. Pissed me off, but J thought I looked cute covered in blood that he spilt. Out front was a purple sports car, I’m not sure what it was cause I don’t know cars, but I’m sure it was expensive.

“This is my Joker mobile.” He smiled broadly; I’m surprised he didn’t name his cock that. Giggling at the thought he told Mr. Frost to hurry up with it. We hopped in the back and frost drove us to my apartment without even asking where we were going. I’m sure Mistah J texted him where we were going while we were getting dressed. First time round I’m assuming the Hench boys circled a couple of blocks before taking me to Joker, cause this time it only took us about ten minutes to get from A to B.

My apartment was filled with stuffed animals, to the point where it was obscene. When Mistah J saw this I had to smack him to get him to stop laughing at my babies. He growled a bit at my assault then kissed me with a giggle. When we got to my room I had him sit on my bed while I cleared out my ‘sensitive’ drawers.

You’re pushing your luck Harley.

“Come on pooh why can’t I look?” Mistah J whined as he crossed his legs and bounced on my bed.

“Because Mistah J this is my stuff, I don’t go snooping into yours do I?” I gave him a large goofy smile and made up a cardboard box that one of the goons brought up. They were in charge of packing up the rest of my animal infested apartment. I brought my underwear drawer out of my dresser and dumped into the box. A couple of my ‘joy buzzers’ knocked around making Mistah J interested even further.

“What was that noise poobear?” He gave me a sly little smirk.

“Just a little something to help me on the long cold nights when you’re working Mistah J.” I gave him my own and covered them with my shirt drawer.

We finished packing my important bits, and left all the rest there. With the henchmen hauling the boxes into a separate van that had come soon after us, we dropped by the manager’s office to turn in my keys, since I didn’t need them anymore. He was startled to see me with a notorious villain and even had the gall to ask if I needed him to call the cops to come rescue me. Before my companion could react I jumped on top of his desk and grabbed him by the lapels.

“If you even think about harming my love in any way, I will make you wish I ended you!” I said quietly glaring at him. Then to freak him out even more I reversed and smiled at him.

“Thanks for letting me use the apartment anyway.” Joker wrapped an arm around my waist lifting me and pulling him towards the car outside, laughing all the way. Such a sweet sound.

“Damn Harley didn’t know you had that in you! But then again I guess you’ll have all kinds of things in you before I’m done!” Mistah J said laughing harder, clutching my body tight against his. I felt his cock between my ass cheeks, sorry darling but not yet.

He won’t wait for long maybe he’ll take it from you. But why should you care, threatening everyone around you.

Mistah J set me down and we both got into the Joker mobile with the boxes we packed in the surprisingly large trunk. Guess you need one when you’re in the stuffing bodies in the trunk business.


	4. Heart to Heart

Chapter 4  
Strangely Mistah J didn’t return us to the hideout he first brought me to. This new one was a lot bigger and well-kept. Had a large neon sign out front saying ‘Joker’s Fun house’. I heard He had taken over amusement mile but until now hadn’t really known.

“Sorry about all the deception before pumpkin, had to make sure you weren’t just after my wealth.” He smiled down at me as goons took my boxes out from the back.

“It’s ok Mistah J I understand. You didn’t know I love you.” I scrunched my face up in a big cheesy grin. He smiled and gave me a sweet little kiss. A goon had the nerve to chuckle at Mistah J being sweet, so I pushed him away gently. Then with all the anger I could muster, I kicked the bastard in the knee hearing it snap, sending him to the ground.

“Say ya sorry ya little fucker!” I shouted at him. He tried to stammer out an apology in between sobs, just barely managing it. I kicked him in the gut just as hard causing him to upchuck whatever he’d eaten today. He deserved it of course, laughing at my Mistah J when he ain’t supposta. Mistah J stood right behind me. A twisted smile upon him face like he was trying to control his own anger, but finding the whole thing amusing. He pulled out his black pistol and leveled it at the sniveling, sobbing fool.

Now unnecessary assault such a good girl you’ve become Dr. Crane would be proud.

“Let this be a lesson to you all, if my Harley Quinn doesn’t kill you for your disrespect,” He pulled the trigger painting the concrete in red and gore, “I will!” He pulled me in roughly attacking my mouth with his, rewarding me with his love. The goons who’d brought in my junk had just returned when he got done with me. They seemed none too fazed with the dead fucker at our feet.

I bet he had a family, a bunch of children starving now because daddies painting the side walk red.

“Just can’t find good help now a day huh pumpkin?” He said pulling away, making us laugh. His hideout was just as dirty as the warehouse but the henchmen had actual rooms instead of blankets on wires. The entrance hall resembled a circus tent, with a huge lit up Joker face high above on the far wall. Two large lit up Ha-Ha signs were above Joker’s face; the place had a bright green glow to it.

“It’s Beautiful Mistah J!” I said in amazement, with a bright smile on his face he pressed a button near the entrance. This caused the Joker face’s jaw to lower revealing a ramp that descended towards us. He grabbed my elbow and we ascended into his mouth. The whole thing made me laugh with its majesty. Inside was a sparsely filled living room, whose walls were completely filled with framed newspaper articles of Joker’s past exploits. A dingy kitchen was separated by an island table protruding from the wall. Two doors were on the wall opposite from the entrance.

“The green door is our bed room; the purple door is my study. That’s where I figure out which place to infect with joy.” He picked me up bridal style and carried me into our bedroom.

“You’ve already infected me with joy Mistah J.” He dropped me on to his bed, there was actually a frame this time by the way, and covered my body with his.

“You’re going to be my biggest jokes aren’t ya Harls?” He asked causing me to be confused. He obviously read it on my face because he gave a small laugh.

“Jokes are the only things I take seriously you know.” I squealed with joy and smashed my lips to his. He quickly took over the kiss and stole some more of my soul. He quickly stripped us both and ran his hands over my skin. His hands are calloused and rough, they felt beautiful against me.

“Such a beautiful little joke aren’t ya Harls?” I nodded my head vigorously kissing him where ever I could reach. We soon calmed down and just laid with each other in quite comfort.

“I’ve decided to discuss things with you Harley girl. We only had one pitiful little session before our timely break out, so we didn’t have much opportunity to go over why I do things. I’m sure as a Psych you’re very interested in the why. It’s like this my dear; the things I do aren’t immoral, antisocial, or even illegal. Those words and their definition have been concocted by humanity. They have no true, natural meaning. They’re an illusion, what they stand for are illusions. That’s the joke!” He went into his little laying my head on his chest, his hands resting softly on my lower back.

“I think I understand Mr. J, why don’t you tell me some more so I can be sure.” He seemed so passionate about it I didn’t want him to stop.

“You’d be the first to dear Harls, you’d be the first!” He giggled and hugged me tightly then released the pressure.

“See nothing means anything. All of our social conventions, our community systems, our government and cultural practices and traditions – it is utterly meaningless. It has no intrinsic value except that which is assign to it. Keeping up Dear?” He lifted my face up to his as I nodded. He gave me a small peck then continued.

“The only reason we assign meaning to it is because it’s the only way we can survive through this wretched gag called life, and for what? We all die anyway, at the end of it. Does it matter in the end, how? Why do we hold these abstract concepts – beauty, truth, liberty, justice, morality – so dear? Why do we elevate them so much? Have you any idea sweet little Doc Quinn, how much our concept of morality has changed in the last hundred years alone? There’s no constant, no definitive. It shifts as we flounder, endlessly striving to sustain our paltry domination of this planet. In the end our struggle is the same of any living creature: survival. And for what, why, what’s the point? There is none! But we have to pretend to make the vile existence we call life bearable.” He looked at me expectantly waiting patiently for my response.

“That’s the joke – the point you’re trying to make – am I right? The joke is that no matter how hard we work, or study, or fight, what we value is an illusion. Because death is the end and indiscriminate in who it takes. You embody that indiscrimination.” I said feeling quite proud of myself.

See Harleen I told you, hyper sanity and nihilism.

Regardless of the package you’re becoming what we swore to help stop.

If it means being with our love then so what?

So what indeed Harley.

“I knew you wouldn’t disappoint me Harls. Now what’s your question, it’s painted all over your face.” He poked me on my side causing us both to giggle.

“Is it so wrong to value things Mr. J, I value my skills and hard work I put into gymnastics? I value you and every moment we spend together. And what of the achievements of the world that allows us to do great things, which gave you the technology to build your beautiful contraptions?” I pulled myself up to straddle him, my hips hovering above his while my head was pillowed on his chest by my arms.

“Do you think a hurling meteorite on a collision course is going to take a detour because of Pythagoras’ theorem and that some guy named Michelangelo carved a few nice statues? We venerate these things as though they somehow prove our significance. They prove squat, darling, life is a joke so why not enjoy it? You can be as proud as you want about what you have, what you’ve worked for, because it gives you joy where else there would be nothing. The problem I have with everyone asserting their fake morals over people is that they prevent people from having fun before they die. They think that if you lock away the so called bad guy it will prevent people from dying. But death finds a away, if it’s not one lunatic it’s another.” He started to get animated towards the end his body shaking as he released an on load of laughter.

“I want to point out that if everyone were to take up your ideals you wouldn’t be unique anymore, but I realize the world isn’t ready for that, they aren’t even ready for you. No one can handle you, and we aren’t meant to really, are we? No one’s meant to handle chaos. No one’s meant to understand dead itself.” He wrapped me up in his arms again tightly pressing his lips to mine in a hard but chaste kiss. I think I heard him mumble something about wishing I wasn’t a virgin right now and decided to ignore it.

“Do you see now why you must leave me? Why I’m so afraid you’ll die because of me and most likely by me? Hell some days the chaos takes over and I lash out at anything and everything near me. I’ll abuse you and probably won’t even care until it’s too late. I’ve been having an incredible streak of uncommon calmness this last month, and I don’t know how long it will last.” He looked so very sad and hurt and regretful for things he hadn’t done yet. Strangely none of this pushed me away; his concern just pulled me in tighter refusing to let me leave. Even if he wanted me to.

“It’s going to be ok Mr. J I love you, I’m not gonna leave over a silly little thing like pain. Infact if you abuse me in public, around others treat me as if I’m some little play thing you couldn’t give a shit about people wouldn’t dare touch me. Because I’m your little play thing and heaven and hell help the poor soul who tried to play with Mr. J’s toys. And if you feel a real violent rage coming on just tell me and I’ll take a hiatus for a couple of days for everyone’s safety and come back when you’re feeling better and patch you up. How does that sound Mr. J?” I was so very hopeful as he pondered it.

“We’d be pulling a huge gag!” He burst into laughter, “Make the world think I use you for what considerable talents you have and hate all the gooey love and affection you’ll throw at me. But in truth I’ll love it the whole time, every hit I give you every kick, punch or gag where you’re the punch line will be a secret joke between us two. Sure I’ll most likely mean it at the time but we’ll both know in the overall picture I didn’t, and I’ll make it up to you later. Everyone will see the abuse and never look any deeper; I’m the joker, who’d want to look honestly.” I laughed with him at our beautifully constructed plan to erase all of our fears, and to prevent either of us from feeling too bad about his mental moments.

After our laughter subsided I decided to tell him about Harleen.

“Mistah J ever since I killed them guys I’ve been hearing voices. Well I’m not sure this counts because it’s my own voice I’m hearing. Well it’s who I usta be at least. Harleen, shrink me who wanted to fix ya. I’ve learned that you aren’t broke, but she still thinks you are. And that you’re breaking me to. She wants me to take ya back to Arkham so we can do this the legal way.” I became shy under his scrutiny and hid my face in his chest.

“I understand Harley; you tell her that she doesn’t need to worry. I’ll keep you from danger, if I have any say they’ll never even realize you’re my moll. You’ll always have a way out if you want it.” My eyes began to tear up so I wrapped myself around his and mashed our lips together.

“I never want to leave you Mistah J, I love you. She does to ya know. She just wants a regular life with you.”

“What do you want?”

“I want you just the way you are.”


	5. Rebirth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the beginning

The next night he took me to the Ace Chemicals plant. We stood at the edge of a platform over several huge vats of chemicals.

“I’m going to give you that choice now. At any time before the point of no return you can walk through that door and never have to see me again. You can go back to your mundane life at Arkham or even go anywhere else and never have to worry about me or anything we’ve spoken about ever again. You’ll be completely free from me and this life. Desire becomes surrender. Surrender  
Becomes power. Now Sweets would you die for me?” I nodded my head, giving him a small yes. Slightly scared about what I might have to do, but his gaze gave me the strength to go on.

“Ah but Sweets that’s just too easy ain’t it? Anyone can die regardless whether it’s for anyone. Now see the real question buzzing through my head is would you live for me. Would you give everything up simply to be there in my life, to let me be in yours? To be faithful even when shit hits the fan?” He had placed his pointer finger and thumb in a U shape over my mouth giving me a nice big smile as he talked of forever. I said yes again but it apparently wasn’t the right answer. He tsked his tongue a few times, shaking his head for a moment.

“Uh, uh, ah, what’s the magic word?” he sang.

“Please.” I managed out after a moment. My body wrecked with nervousness as the realization of what I knew I must do washed over me. He smiled and stepped away a bit waiting patiently for me to make the next move. I stepped to the very edge my back to the air, my eyes locked with his as I mouthed ‘please’ one more time. Falling backwards I felt a peace and happiness I hadn’t for a very long time.

Next thing I knew Mistah J was pulling me up from the yellow burning haze. I took my first breath as Harley and felt truly reborn, the red from my shirt and the black from his swirls around up in the chemicals, our clothing completely falling apart. He smashed his lips to mine, and then pulled away laughing so hard his whole body shook. I smiled up at him as laughter bubbled up inside of me bursting out like a typhoon, uncontrollable, wild, and oddly comforting.

“I love you Puddin!” I felt so safe, free, and wild I smashed our lips back together, both of us laughing against each other’s lips. Finally he pulled us out of the chemicals, our clothes completely gone, the only evidence they were even here was the black dye clinging to one side of my newly white hair’s edge and red on the other. Mistah J grabbed my hair and split it almost down the middle, bringing it up in pigtails.

“Ooooooooooh I like this, wear your hair like this from now on!” He let go of my hair and caught me as the chemicals and excitement caught up to me. I woke up a few times on the ride home, the chemicals burning my skin. I think those screams were mine but I wasn’t quite sure. I gained full consciousness when my Puddin but me in his shower and hosed me off. The burn was still there, but not as bad.

“You took it better than I thought you would baby girl. Daddy’s little girl is truly a strong one huh sweetie?”

“Yeah Puddin I’m stronger because of you.”


End file.
